Light in the Valleys

For christmas 2010 my lovely sister got me a journal that is now all but a few pages from complete. In moving back to Florida for my second year on dean staff I stumbled across the small faded leather book that had been neglected for three months. I opened it today to catch my future self up on life as of late.

I am very pro journals, Jessica said it like this "Keep track of your life, someday you may want to look back and find out how you got to where you'll be." I have been trying to follow your advice Jessica, and I am grateful i have done so.

August 2010 I asked  Mr. David Snow for advice at my graduation day from the BI. As we watched my circle of friends laughing, embracing, and crying (at times all at once) he advised that I treasure these moments. For life is full of mountains and valleys and it is important to remember the mountain tops lest we despair in the valleys. For life is full of cycles.

Upon opening my journal I looked at the first page and saw a valley, but it was, strangely enough, a sweet realization. You see I have a tendency to forget where I have been so when I feel the despair of a Valley i often fear it will last forever and foolishly think it is the lowest I have ever been, but this is merely my nearsightedness deceiving me.


Here is the entry that reminded me of this...

"I am growing rapidly convinced that the world does not contain spiritual giants as we often think of them. The men we idolize, that surely could never fall, and surely never have a day when their perspective is obscured. And if I am wrong in my theory, this I know, if they do exist I am not one of them. (nor was David)

So what do I do with myself beginning to know well my limitations and also holding a confidence i posses far more wickedness that has yet to be revealed to me by the searching eyes of our loving savior?... All this to simply say, i feel we do our brothers a great injustice to ignore the valleys of great men of God. This is not to say I consider myself among them but if my story is ever told let it be known my weakness and fears are many, my days like Elijah under the juniper tree certainly have come in spite of great victories before hand. Not only am i made of dust , but fairly weak dust at that.

I have fainted amongst the footmen. I am not fit to be used and surly the Lord does not need me. But i pray He will use me, I pray he will accept the little i have to offer in my all and that he makes it into something that can reflect His glory.

I pray He teaches me to pray, to believe, to testify to of the God I serve. I am not fit for the task i have laid before me. God, i need you.

My name is Josiah James Brondyke. I am learning Spanish in Argentina, and today is not yet a mountain top."

Praise be to God that He chooses to use exceptionally weak dust, for his strength is made perfect in weakness. If you are on a mountain top, God is faithful praise Him. If you are in a valley, God is faithful praise Him still. He will not suffer you to be tempted more than you can bear, and He will never abandon you.

Genesis 2:21 A Lesson I'm Learning As a Single 20-Something

I come to appreciate this passage more and more deeply every time I come across it. My meditations this time focus most heavily on the phase of life that I am currently in. I aware that an examination of biblical singleness has been done more than once and the world isn’t waiting on baited breath for what I have to say, but these have been some personal meditations and challenges I have found on the topic over the past year.  I truly believe that God has a amazing purpose for singleness other than just finding our counterpart, also I believe if we were to conduct ourselves properly in singleness and the “finding” of a spouse our marriages and homes in the future would be greatly transformed.

A different perspective for looking at verse 21 of Genesis 2 was introduced to me through reading Jim Elliot’s In the Shadow of the Almighty. I saw that Jim held a unique perspective on how to approach singleness that he found in his personal study of Genesis 2. He wrote of this in a letter to his parents contained in this book. I am aware this quote is a little lengthy but I have always quiet enjoyed Jim’s philosophy you can see so clearly in his writing style and I think he says it best. I challenge you, especially if you’re in the same phase of life as me, read the verse and ask the Lord to give you insight on this, then keep reading starting with Jim’s quote.

       “No one warns young people to follow Adam’s example. He waited till God

       saw his need. Then God made Adam sleep, prepared his mate, and brought

       her to him. We need more of this ‘being asleep’ in the will of God. Then we

       can receive what He brings us in His own time, if at all. Instead we are set as

       bloodhounds after a partner, considering everyone we see until our minds are

       so concerned with the sex problem that we can talk of nothing else… It is true

       that a fellow can’t ignore women – but he can think of them as he ought- as

       sisters, not as sparring partners.” (Elliot, 50)

I am trying to learn to incorporate this philosophy of being asleep in the will of God to how I approach my singleness. The idea is this that God saw Adam’s need. Not so much as to say that God was not aware earlier but at the moment that Adam became aware of it God was already prepared with his solution. God then sets into action and brings forth the solution bringing it to Adam. Adam throughout this entire process was not in distress over how the Lord would provide for the need at hand, he was… sleeping. Adam was, “made sensible of his want of a meet help, but, God having undertaken to provide him one, he does not afflict himself with any care about it, but lies down and sleeps sweetly” (Henry, 20).

Too often today when I come to realize that Susie from across the street is… different than I and that… I like Susie, my life as the average adolescent (Christian or Non-Christian) is forever changed. Frequently the case comes to be that this, finding of a suitable mate, becomes the total of young lives until that role is filled. Throughout this endeavor we ask God to bless our endeavor as we are on “the hunt” while not realizing that perhaps God would rather we “sleep” wait, and simply trust Him.

Or perhaps I am among them who have already risen above this wild chasing and decided that this desire or feeling of relative incompleteness prior to the finding of my mate is beneath me because after all I am a “devote mature ‘Christ Followers’” so, I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Harris). Great book from a wonderful heart and I appreciate all the wise council Joshua Harris has given through his writing. Sadly however we have carried some of the mantras from dating books so far that with them we carry the spirit that if you are single and desire to be married you are deep in the sinful mire of discontentment. There is another book called Jesus Plus Nothing Equals Everything (Tchividjian) I have heard great things about and I am excited to read. But I feel almost a pressure in the young and zealous for the Lord that if you have a desire for anything other than the Lord you are in sin. This may be the case at times but we must be careful for, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22 NIV). It’s interesting that God created all things good and yet before the fall He saw one thing that was not good. That, “it was not good for a man to be alone” (Gen.2:18) I found this quote and am still not yet sure what to do with it,

            “God does not exclusively fill the human heart. He made humankind to

             need more than himself. The staggering humility of God to make

             something that was not to be fully satisfied with the creator and the

             creation is incomprehensible.”(Allender, 146) 

While I do not love the phrase “God does not exclusively fill the human heart,” but it is intresting to think that God did allow his creation, man, to “need” a help meet. That truly is a humble act. And it’s not identified as sin or because man didn’t love God enough, for the observation is breathed out of the mouth of God not muttered bitterly from the heart of man. So I do not think we are wrong in making the same observation and desiring what God has created us to desire.

But what if we could desire it and yet sleep waiting for him to fufill that desire? That would be such a far cry from the norm of today’s 20 some things (often myself included) hunting desperately for a spouse and praying again and again, “Is this the one? Is this the one? Is this the one?” thinking that this is the purpose of their single years, to merely become un-single. What if instead we would simply wait? Rest in God’s will and plan that is so much higher than any we could muster up by our own intellect (Is. 55:9) Take in the lessons God has for us in stride trusting that God will open our eyes to the right person at the right time. How different our homes would look down the road, when they are built on the provision of God not the efforts of man. (Ps 127:1a)

I feel confident that if we trusted the Lord and did not frantically try to fill the role of match maker the divorce rate in the church wouldn’t be the same as in the world. Perhaps if in singleness our goal wasn’t to trick the opposite gender into falling for us, there would be less disillusionment that lead to divorce just a few years after the wedding night and the honey moon, after the act was dropped and the guards went down. The way that we approach singleness and “finding” a mate creates the very foundation upon which each new family unit begins. So to all of you in singleness like I am, are we searching to find the right match, or are we sleeping trusting God will give us the right match in his timing? Now I am not saying it is wrong to go on dates or get to know people in your singles ministry at your church (whatever the case may be), but I am saying it comes to the attitude and position of the heart.

If God does bless you with a spouse, praise Him! Your are leaps ahead of me in life steps, you can apply all the beautiful principles found in the following verses and pages of scripture, but as for me I am currently determined to properly apply Genesis 2:21 and get out of the hunt, and back to sleep. Trusting that God holds the blue prints to my family and can pick the best building partner.



Bibliography

   Allender, Dan B., and Tremper Longman. Intimate Allies. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale
                   House, 1995. 146. Print.

   Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty: The Life & Testament of Jim Elliot. New
                   York: Harper, 1958. 50. Print.

   Henry, Matthew. Matthew Henry's Commentary. Vol. 1: Gen- Detu. Scripture
                   Truth Book. 20. Print.

   Tchividjian, Tullian. Jesus + Nothing = Everything. Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2011.

                    Print.

It's just a year...

  My sister once wisely advised me to keep track of my life because its key to understanding how I got to where I am. I may have lost track of my life for a moment, so now as we near the end of this year I look back to see how  life has changed.

            C. S. Lewis expressed in his book The Screwtape Letters  that, “to be in time is to be subject to change.” I think my life has proven this proposition to be true. My life is not the same as I left it a year and a half ago when I boarded a plane for Argentina. I do not know that I fully understood when boarding it how greatly the decision to study overseas for a year would affect things. Now, ironically, as a young man born into a Midwest middle class white English speaking family, I at times find myself  speaking in broken awkward English phrases, and feel I could better express myself if only those around me spoke Spanish. As a 20 year old man I am suffering an identity crisis. The relationships in my life were stretched and tried, some strengthened others faded. Lastly, the paths of my life seem to have been uprooted and thrown over uncharted territory. I don’t regret it in the slightest. I believe I followed God to Argentina. So how did I get here? Easy, a decision was made to step out in faith, but what just happened and what all was affected I am still sorting out.

            I have always known who I am: a pastor’s son, a nice kid, an A/B student, a funny guy, generally loving and outgoing. So what happened to me? I feel as if to some degree I lost track of myself in Argentina, which in truth isn’t all bad. A cross cultural experience is a funny thing to describe to anyone who has never experienced one, but it certainly comes with its own unique set of challenges and learning moments. These heated tests and prolonged pressure have the opportunity to turn something more pure and useful, or burn and break it. At times its both. When I stepped into a different world the “me” I knew had stayed in North America. These people didn’t know him, and weren’t necessarily as impressed with this foreigner as he was with himself. One of the hardest aspects of living in a different culture is role reversal. I went from being a competent leader and an effective communicator to a lost kid who couldn’t speak. My pride took many a critical blow, and often left it nursing its wounds in my “cuarto” not as quick to throw itself out there as it had once been. “When not met with accolades why bother?” my heart of hearts muttered through gritted teeth that which my lips would never dare utter. It disturbed me to hear myself as my true colors shown.  Along with the revelation of this heart, of sin, I came to another daunting realization… not everyone is American; not everyone thinks, acts, and lives like me. For some, my big over the top American personality was a hard pill to swallow. Here went the chisel of the Lord, going to work on things as my pride and personality, while He opened up my world view, and as I changed.

            All this was taking place south of the equator, but what of those relationships and opportunities left in the United States? Surely the God who had held the sun in place for a day could halt the lives of my loved ones as I was not with them, so that I wouldn’t miss anything too important; after all it was only a year. However, the Lord had not made such promises to me, and so He did not keep them. The Lord led me to Argentina and that meant intrinsically that I was not anywhere but there. I was not with my loved ones I left behind. I was not able to keep perusing those relationships. Life in the US kept happening. Parties as well as funerals were missed, laughter as well as tears, victories as well as trials. My sister, who is one of my closest friends in the whole world, is now engaged, and I missed all of her dating relationship with Dan, her fiancé. I missed the getting to know each other phase, the giddy about it phase, and the praying seriously about it phase. I just simply wasn’t there. ..not for their relationship to develop nor to cultivate my own. I had it very much in my heart to pursue a precious friend of mine, but moving to Argentina halted those plans. Try as I did I was not able to be with her while I was in Argentina. We weren’t able to “be together” with an ocean between us. Being together I have found is crucial when you are considering marrying someone. My relationships were stretched and tested by distance and a lack of communication as life continued happening to everyone regardless of their location. Some strengthened some gave way.  In those same months new relationships were built as well. (often that is how life works) I can now happily say by the grace of God I have dear friends and brothers from South and Central America. Lucas, Ruth, Emmanuel, and Gaston just to name a few are all friends dear to me that I will forever count as my brothers and sisters.

            Once my personality was shaken, my relationships were altered, and I already had “given” my things, my location, and my nonexistent wealth for the sake of following Him, what more did He desire? In the process of dying to self and learning to let Christ live through me He is redefining everything. So there I stood, very unstable. What was left? Simply my plans. From an early age I had always felt I was going to spend my life in the ministry. Outside of that I felt that I would spend it somewhere where they spoke English. I was certain God had not designed me to learn languages. But God has uprooted the certainty of my plans and future projections and scattered them across the map. It’s strange to think that one decision can change the course of your life so considerably. After my time in Argentina I am considering church planting overseas or Spanish ministry in the United States. He has proven to me truly all things are possible with Him. In light of that truth, I pray the next time I hear the whisper of His will I will be all the quicker to follow His leading.

            So yes, it was only a year, but in this ever changing world it affected me greatly. Some things were gained, some things were lost, and others were simply changed. But I would not change the decision I made for the world. There were difficult moments and challenges and even consequences to following Him, but the reward is far greater.  Philippians 3:7-8 “But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ.”

How to Hold Your Plans

Working as a dean of men at a Bible college I see many students minds filled with questions. When your life is coming to fruition in one or four year segments the question often arises, “what is the will of God concerning…” This seems to be a theme for all those in colligate studies. These young hopefuls have looming over them this daunting task of making plans that alter the course of their lives. This task is made all the more difficult because our worlds are so subject to change and in that so are our plans. So, not only is there the task of making your plans, an equally daunting task is how one ought to hold these plans. Some students have a 10 and 20 year plan for their lives and yet others are doing well to have the next 20 minutes planned out. Whatever your personality tends to, be it a four year plan or a four meal plan it is important how you hold your plans. In my limited experience up till now I have seen three ways to hold ones plans: not holding any, squeezing them tightly, or holding them loosely.

            For some when asked, “Where you headed?” or “Where do you want to see yourself in ten years?” if plans to run away to Never Never land don’t come through the honest answer in their minds is they have no idea. This type of plan holder is not big on plan B’s, or plan A’s for that matter. This is the first category not holding anything. Because this trend is so common we have almost tried to make it trendy and spiritual. Some feel that your hands must be empty for the Lord to fill them so they keep their slate completely clean not wanting to commit to anything waiting on the day the Lord makes vividly clear there purpose for that chapter of life. I once spoke to a man in the park who told me adamantly, “I wouldn’t be caught dead with a plan.” I respect this man greatly and I understand that the Lord can speak very clearly at times in our lives, but it has become the opinion of some that it is a carnal manifestation of pride to have any plan at all. I don’t know that we need be so drastic. If we are honest with ourselves the simple fact of the matter is we must plan to some degree. My friend in the park surely had at least enough plan that day to get his entire family loaded into the car and to the park. Plans are a part of life and we are better off when we stop trying to deny it. One can only fly so far flying by the seat of his pants. Yes we must wait on the Lord, but that need not mean that we be inactive and directionless. We see even in Jesus parables that when He left his servants with talents he expected them to take the initiative to invest them well.

            Next there are those who hold on tightly. They have all their weeks, day, and hours down to a T. These people love to be in control and when they get their mind set on a plan they must see it come to pass, there is no other option. These are often the organized worrieres that always make things happen. They are big dreamers and they carry big planners. They feel it is all part of their stewardship in redeeming the time to have every passing moment panned and used to its fullest potential. In the most drastic cases when someone is “holding on tightly” and a plan falls through, they have a nervous breakdown. If it is a less advanced case of hold-it-tight-anitous at the very least are thoroughly annoyed. If there was ever a category I am not found in it is this one. My Grandmother however can plan with the best of them. She can organize a musical and a five course meal in the same evening, but she unlike her young grandson she has more difficult rolling with the punches. A risk these plan holders face is they often begin to identify themselves in their plans and they feel they fall with their plans should the plans fall through.

            The final category, I believe the Lord is teaching me, is to “hold them loosely.” One may and ought to have plans from time to time but we ought also expect change. Looking at life we make the best choices we can and then we rest knowing we did all we could that day to use it for the Lord. This person has a plan but is not surprised when things get shaken up. Truth be told I first saw this life style in the ministry of Paul the Apostle. When he was departing on his second missionary journey his goal was to minister to the churches in northern turkey, because he saw a good ministry opportunity there, and a need he could fill. So he began to move in that direction. He was in route when the Lord spoke to him in a vision giving him the call to Macedonia, a change of plans. He readily accepted and the Lord blessed his ministry for it. Looking at life as a blank page, if you’re holding loosely, you do not fight the Lord for the right to hold the pen, or the eraser. You have a direction, you have a good sensible goal, but you are also ready to move at the voice of the master where ever He may call.

            Plans are an inevitable part of life even for the believer. How we hold them greatly affects our experience. So look at your plans, are your hands empty lacking direction or initiative? Are your fists clenched around the plans because you have already decided what you want to take place in your life? Or are you holding your plans loosely, ready to work to the best of your knowledge, but ready to accept that the Lord’s plan is greater than your own.

Thankful

This past quarter I have been taking classes online. While this has been an interesting balancing act between deaning, life, the Christmas show here, and school, it has forced me to sit down and write for my various classes. I have found that I truly do like writing, but also that I would much rather share my thoughts while friends and family rather that just with my professors. So since I am on break now and have a little time for editing I thought I would throw some up on here to share. This is a discussion board from my teaching class the week after thanksgiving. Our prompt was, "what are you most thankful for this week?" I didn't just wanting to throw out something stereotypical but rather focus on a truth God was blessing me with in that time. So if you have five minutes here is a little nugget to chew over.

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My heart sank into my stomach as it dawned on me that it was officially Thursday. I was standing back stage in full costume and makeup for a presentation Word of Life Bible Institute does to share the gospel. (The Sights and Sound of Christmas) It was the second presentation of the day. Friday we were scheduled to have two more and Saturday as well. The day of the week can be easy to lose track of at word of life, and the news came as such an unwelcomed revelation because  with the online classes I am taking, homework is due Saturdays at midnight. My normal routine has been making Fridays evenings and Saturdays homework days and getting my work done just as the clock strikes midnight. With work and the shows home work had not happened. I hadn't even taken time to check what my assignments were much less do them. My situation looked bleak. Perhaps passing college courses isn’t all its cracked up to be, I could always preach the gospel and panhandle…. Don’t need a degree for that.
Ok maybe I am being dramatic but at that moment I didn’t think I would prove to be possible to accomplish all I had before me at that moment.

I want to pause for a moment and clarify, life is good! There is no question about that. Life is full of wonderful blessing from an incredible God I simply don’t deserve:

My salvation
my family (my sister is engaged! And i had gotten to be with my family in Atlanta for Thanksgiving day!)
the gospel was being preached and God was using me in it, even if it be a small part
I have rich Christian fellowship
my job is surreal
I have my health and wits more often than naught
my faith leads to actual peace and Joy found in the source of all such things as I seek Him
awesome roommates
working with awesome guys
I enjoy life
I sing ok
I can speak Spanish pretty well
I been have been in God honoring relationships as of late and I don’t have regrets
God is patient with me
A rich Christian heritage
opportunities to be used
I am accepted in the Beloved

And many other blessings… None of which I accomplished or I deserved

but at that moment I was overwhelmed. I did have time for anything I didn’t have enough energy to enjoy the blessing or thank Him properly.

I sat in the dark of back stage right and just took a moment with Jesus mid-show. Thinking of a Psalm I had just read, in which the last verse after talking about the strength of the Lord was a request for strength for the psalmist, I thought a similar prayer, and sang in my head the song I've been mulling over lately. “give me strength, to trust what you say. That your real, and your spirits strong in me…”

I left it there in the hands of the Lord and went on with the show.

So after the shows finished and I had dinner and did some deaning I pulled out my laptop flipping it on. The fan started to whir and the screen came slowly to light. When I pulled open my weekly assignments I dreaded what i might find. However, I found a work load for that week relatively small and very managable.

God considers me! In the big and small, He is considerate of me.  “For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.?”
Ps 103:14

God knows I am nothing more but dust. He is not suprised in the least bit when my strength fails me. He even knows exactly what grade of dust I am. (which is apparently not all that strong of dust) And He is unbothered by it!

God gave me a small work load this week because He knew I needed it. Because He goes before me and blazes a trail, even though He forever walks with me!

He knows how weak I am and for that I am grateful. I know He has plenty to carry His children forward as they rest in Him. God did not need me to hold him up. For that I am very grateful, a forever powerful God who takes time to consider me.

Praise the Lord!

 

The Harvest

         “The harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few. So, pray to the Lord of the harvest that He would send out laborers into his harvest field.” Jesus said these words to his disciples as he looked down over the multitudes flowing out of the city to come hear the message. He saw into every heart, every life, every hurt. It was for these, that He had come to die. I cannot help but wonder if in his omniscience, as he pleaded for his disciples to pray that God would send out workers to meet these needs, if he was not also looking forward to the countless lives of saints who would be the answer to those prayers. I wonder if as his heart broke for those standing before him on the sandy hills out stretching before his eyes if his heart was not also churned for those standing before him across the planes of time. Was He comforted to see those faithful followers who through courses of history would give their everything to attend to the Father’s harvest, smiling thinking of them? Did His burden grow again looking forward to the great number of those who would claim his name but never interest themselves in His work, never setting their hands to the plow?
            The Lord has been teaching me much about His heart for the harvest over these past years. I am now aware I have spent the bulk of my years, though they be few, missing it. I think far too often Satan too easily blinds my eyes to the work the Lord desires to be doing in the world today. Sadly I find this too often to be the case. Oh that the Lord would open our eyes to the work that is on His heart.  That we would begin to redeem the time! That the church would not remain dormant any longer, but that we would go out as the Lord intended. God has been showing me that what the Church carries out is too often not all that He calls it to.

            The Lord has spent some large amount of time teaching me this rather simple truth. He has revealed it to me gradually as I have traveled these past few years. I remember vividly my trip to the Dominican Republic in 2010. It was my first time leaving the United States to a country that speaks a language different then my own. As the plane lowered into the capital city, I knew I was entering into a different world. I fell in love with the people there and wanted more than anything to share the hope I carried with them. I can still remember vividly the trips we took down dusty roads to the poor outlying sugarcane villages. The faces of these precious people I will forever carry with me in my mind. One one such face was a young woman carrying a little baby boy; she pleaded with us for just a little food for she and her family hadn’t eaten in days. We were given specific instruction what we could and could not do from the national missionaries to avoid conflicts amongst the villagers and to not make them too dependant on those there on short term missions. One of these instructions was not to share of the food that we had packed away in the bus for our lunches for fear that it would cause dissension amongst the people if it didn’t reach to all of them. So we offered what we could. We unloaded from the greyhound and with lots of enthusiasm and lots of hand motions played with the filthy yet beautiful children. Many had little clothing; missing some vital articles of clothing you would never imagine seeing a youngster without in the states. One little boy (completely naked) had gotten knocked over in the game and began to weep. I came to him and picked him up holding him out from me at arms length to see what the damage had been. I looked at his right ear and saw it was terribly infected a white puss flowed from it and had hardened more than once without being tended. I thought of the risks of catching the infection but no sooner had the thought crossed my mind that the Lord convicted me taking my mind to the times he touched the lepers in love. Would I be one that held the world at arm’s length or one that would draw them into Christ’s love? I held the small child tight to my chest his precious little head nestled in alongside my ear. God was changing me.

             We loaded back into the tour bus and as the small village vanished into the fields that surrounded it the Lord brought to me the understanding that it was not these peoples poverty that was tragic but rather their spiritual state. The need for a Pauline ministry was evident in my eyes. Someone needed to go village to village and establish churches and teach these people how to live out the Christian life not just share the gospel. The people had already been evangelized but they needed to be shepherded. I sheepishly told the Lord I was willing, but it seemed impossible that the Lord would ever send me to this ministry. We then went into the capital city and the normal parts of town were worse than much of the slums of the United States, but still in comparison to the villages we had visited the day before these people lived in great wealth. The churches we visited were relatively healthy and they were sustained in their current ministries. It became evident to me that these people were the answer to this prayer for church planters, but I did not speak with a single person that shared a vision for the harvest field sitting just miles from the city limits. The harvest was plentiful but the workers were few.
            My week in the Dominican lead me to a year in Argentina to learn the Spanish language so that I would be more equipped to be sent. My time there holds many distinguishing memories and defining moments. One such a moment came in one of my first trips to the capital, Buenos Aries. The expanse between what the Church is, and what it is called to be gaped in front of me again. Surrounding the Plaza de Mayo stand all the buildings that represent power and influence in Argentina: the pink house, the congress building and many other concrete giants.  Among them there is the spectacular Catholic cathedral. It is not merely a building or place of worship; it is art. But no matter how lovely it may be there was something troubling beneath the splendid architecture. Under its painted elaborate ceiling knelt a very few worshipers. Grand steps lead up to the cathedral and most that are coming and going are tourists coming to see art. I am sure to them the many homeless that have taken residence on the doorsteps of the church are a great inconvenience to them in their pursuit of beauty. However this is the less lovely reality of the situation. It seemed that neither those within or without were finding what they sought. Some sought peace with God, which can never be attained by adherence to a religion. Some sought compassion and a little food to fill their bellies, which was rarely seen in the bustle of the city. Was this not the harvest field? As I passed by, feelings of conviction overcame me once again. What could I say, my Spanish was too limited to explain the truth I carried? What could I do, my selfishness was too great to give more than 10 pesos and a track in Spanish I have crammed in my pocket?  I had with me about 200 pesos for the day for souvenirs and food for myself I considered giving it to them, but how could I trust that they wouldn’t misuse it? Was this even for me to ask? Where was the compassion Christ demonstrated to the masses? There were disconnects here, lots of them.
            It is easy to see and criticize these inconsistencies and faults that lie in others thousands of miles away.  Perhaps the most troubling inconsistency I see, I see in my own life. I can say I have vision for the world, wanting to change it for the better, but what good are ones claims if his vision does not even reach across the street he grew up on? It is easy to find “compassion” for the needy children seen on television commercials. Easy to think things along the lines of, “that is terrible” or “something needs to be done,” while remaining unchanged, but true compassion must lead to action. How often do the churches in the world today ignore the needy present on their very doorstep? How often are the opportunities just outside the city limits left unrealized?  How is it that believers are so often blinded to the field in which they stand? How long will it continue? Oh that the Lord would open eyes.

Nonsensical Edification

                 My hair was beyond disheveled from my hands consistently running through it as I tore cross campus in a race against time, and pitched in battle with myself. Still breathing hard as I reached my office, I crumpled to the ground allowing my body to become deadweight as I simply gave up.  The time stained rough carpet that has been in my office long before it become “mine” pressed firmly into my fore head. I looked pathetic, but I didn’t care in the slightest. I was beyond caring. A kind of guttural groan escaped from my throat as I knew I should have been starting a prayer. But to say what?! Part of me wanted to weep, and part of me could feel the foolishness of my desperation. Dying to oneself is a hard pill to swallow.

                I could paint the portrait of unfortunate events, wrong thought patterns, wrong attitudes, and deferred hopes that brought me to my knees that night, but they are not the point. They rarely are. What mattered was I had reached the nadir of my current valley. It was not a particularly deep valley or drastic situation, simply more than I could handle on my own, and I had been trying too long. The beautiful thing about valleys is that in their very nature as we pass through them, they are passed. After the lowest points things always rise. Out of my mouth escaped a simple prayer: “In my distress I cried unto the LORD, and he heard me.” (Psalm120:1) The Lord always hears and takes interest in me, but on occasions he has opened my eyes to see his unlikely angels of encouragement as what they are, his instruments in my life, blessings. This night was such a night.
                As I finished my prayer, I rose slowly to my feet. I felt the kind of emotional numbness that often follows such purging times. I was tired, but I now knew I could go forward to the tasks at hand, the Lord with me rather than opposing me. I sat down at my desk. My desk was mildly cluttered as the desk of a first year employee filling a role too large for the sum of his years should be. I have been told I am mature for my age not that I’ve matured; I feel my desk reflects that. I pulled my English text book out of my black backpack and placed it on my desk. English Comp 1 was at that moment what my hands found to do and so I did my best to do it hardily.
                About an hour and a half into the effort three of the students I am discipling popped their heads into my office to check on my emotional state, knowing I was trying to plow through my school work, catching up from starting behind. The largest of the three, a young man named Brice who will probably singlehandedly change the world in the course of his lifetime, walked over to where I was folded into the couch where I had migrated with my laptop. He, without a word, bent over and proceeded to pick me up trying to carry me out the door. Now, Brice is a good ol’ boy. He had plenty of physical strength from growing up on a farm. At the same time I myself am no small fellow and an awkward struggle ensued that I’m sure would have been quite humorous to passer-byers, that is, should my office have been the type of office that could have passer-byers. However within my small windowless office no one outside the unfortunately pink tinted walls could see as the three of them tried to persuade me to abandon my work for just a moment to run to the Duncan Donuts on 19 just a few minutes from campus. Brice is a salesman if I ever saw one, and when he believes in something he will back it with all his heart. He’d already rallied the allegiance of many churches and schools to support Care4Aids, a missions organization Brice believes quite strongly in. This night Brice believed quite strongly that I needed to take a break. It took all my powers of persuasion to finally convince them that I wouldn’t be able to leave and that it was for the best of everyone if I stayed. They filed out and I got back to focusing on what I had to be doing.
                I knew I needed to plow forward in my work. I knew I had to be disciplined. I knew I had to ignore my emotional state. I knew there was work to be done.

               Another 20 minutes passed as I trudged through the mountains of sentences to diagram and authors to analyze that lay ahead of me. Then without any warning, or precautionary knock of any type my door flew open once again. In walked the three amigos with four cups of Duncan Donuts coffee. A defeated smile crept across my face, and I welcomed them in. Alex plopped down on the old green couch that had been dragged in for times such as these, Jarren took my co-worker Eric’s swiveling desk chair, and Brice assumed command of my desk placing his size 12 work boot on the couch. I looked up from the ground where I had landed sprawled out with my laptop and book work. The conversation that followed was not particularly profound, and our topics were not world shaking. We unanimously decided that Brice had no childhood because he did not know of power rangers. Then Jarren wielding an expo marker and an imagination turned on Eric’s to do list. After the group decided that Eric planned to clone himself, buy two donuts, find a wife, and move to Yemen, the conversation turned to the center of the room as the topics bounced off the walls in such a way that surely can only be produced by young 20 somethings that have plenty of potential, big hopes, and probably still too much youthfulness in them for their own good.

                As I looked at the three of them God began to open up my eyes and I began to marvel. Jarren has the heart of a pastor and much of his father’s wisdom. Alex under his mess of un-kept hair and glasses has an incredible mind and a beaming spirit. Brice as I already mentioned will probably either save the world or conquer it by the age of 30. I smiled just simply enjoying the simplicity of fellowship. We are still far from perfectly lovely or worth dying for, but it was for us unimpressive, imperfect, inconsistent, immature persons that Christ died. We were completely and totally accepted in the beloved just as we were. At our weakest moments, He still rejoices over us with singing. When we are fickle and human, His thoughts toward us are still innumerable. That is reality. I can’t explain how, but God used that time to bring me into appreciation of this truth. To me it was nonsensical, because it was not penciled into my to-do list, but the Lord knew it was exactly what I needed. It was not in a sermon, not in exhortation that brought me to this truth. Yes, both certainly have their time and place, but perhaps also there is a time and place for nonsensical edification.